Draft

Tyler Janis

English 1510

Final Essay

12-4-13

My inner Geek.

     One morning many years ago I awoke later than I usually would for school. On this particular day I wasn't actually going to school. I had a very important doctor appointment to attend. I believe that I was in second grade at this time. My mother and I drove around an hour to see a child psychologist whom I had the appointment with. I was excited, elated to be skipping school with my mothers permission. I was daydreaming of getting home and playing my Gamecube which I was so fond of. I recall being in an office alone with the doctor. She was very nice and even gave me a toy to play with. There were many other multicolored vibrant toys on shelves on the wall adjacent to myself, juxtaposed the white background behind them. The nice lady was asking me many questions, about things in my life, how I was feeling. I even solved a few puzzles and had some candy. This was my new favorite kind of doctor. I later learned that this was the day I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

      I never really liked school, I hated it actually. Everything about it, homework, teachers, class. I just never seemed to get what they were talking about. How is it my fault I don't understand this math problem? Aren't you supposed to teach me how to do it? I vividly remember thinking this, while staring out the window no less. This wasn't something that my parents just did nothing for, they were very helpful in every way. However, giving adderall to an 8 year old was not the best idea but they had the best intentions. Adderall took away my desire to eat my favorite foods and the school took away my friends. I was placed, by intervention of the public school district, in special education for math and English. I had to just walk out of the classroom and go into the room with the kids who I couldn’t even have a conversation with. Yes I know what the letter “A” looks like, can I go outside now? All I wanted to do is play. I never really understood why I was placed in this situation and why I had to take the pills that took away my hunger and made me feel funny. This went on until the fourth grade, my parents decided it was best to send me to a private school. I felt like I was never going to see my friends again. I thought that my world was ending.

      The banner read “Lawrence School,” It was green and silver with very fancy text and a big L on a shield marked with the same colors. It was my first day in this new place. Although it was not my first time going to the school. The year previously I had toured the school for a day, I was so angry. I hated the place, no friends, nothing was familiar. But something seemed very different, I felt like I was part of the crowd. Not some kind of retarded outcast who couldn’t even solve a math problem. It was like I was going to a normal school, just like a normal kid. I quickly began to warm up to the school, or at least as much as a kid in school can, and made new friends. But something did stay with me when I left public school. My closest friend who never passed judgment on me, accepting me for who I was and realizing that I wasn't as different as most people thought.

      Luke is something else. We were the classic trouble-making pair that always got into some goofy situation. I remember the day we met vividly. “Hey, wanna be friends?” “Yup!” Believe it or not, that actually is word for word what started our friendship that still lasts even today. I will always consider him family because of how loyal of a friend he has been. Even when I told him that my parents were making me switch schools, he was not really that upset because we both knew that besides eating lunch together, not much at all would change. We would still hang out almost ever weekend, and play video games until six in the morning. So begins my realization of geekdom.

     Videogames have always had a somewhat prominent place in my life. It could be a Gameboy, Nintendo, Xbox or even the glorious pc gaming master race. I think that if Luke had not introduced me to the vast world of videogames beyond the few that I owned. Maybe it was all the insecurity I had in real life that pulled me into the game so much, or maybe it was driving a Lamborghini any time I wanted to all while running from the police. Regardless of the original cause, it was a hobby that was never going to die. My bulky laptop is a testament to this, an entire summer spent saving for this piece of machinery that would be play almost every game on the absolute highest graphical settings. Truly a gamers paradise, or a geeks paradise.

      Even before I began associating myself with being a geek I always knew I wasn't part of the “In crowd.” Still at my small private school there was always a group of friends that was thought to be the cool kids. Suffice to say I was not part of them. I hung out with the goofy people that didn't really seem to fit in. In retrospect I find it somewhat Ironic that a school meant to harbor pupils with learning disabilities would still have small cliques that passive-aggressively shut people out. There wasn't really a tension through, certain people just seemed to gravitate to each other. Unfortunately life is not like a video game and I cannot get a cool kid powerup, I was stuck in social limbo.

     As my peers and I matured we all seemed to mesh together. Because the school was so small, we all became friends. Then we went to middle school. I was slammed right back into the same social limbo as before, just this time the cliques were much more pronounced. The people who ate lunch together rarely strayed from their tables. During this period of time I felt the need to express my feelings, my emotions. My 8^th grade year was very, well, emo. I only wore black, my hair was less flowy and more flippy. Eyeliner may or may not have been involved during this time, I'll just leave it at that. Although this even further distanced me from the male peers in my grade, the girls loved the sensitive guy. I honestly had no complaints. But there is meaning to this. The separation from my male peers made me feel like I didn't belong, like I was some kind of nerd. This was about the time my classmates learned about my abilities with computers so that didn't exactly help my feeling accepted by the guys in my grade.

      By the time high school rolled around I had moved on and actually began to form my own identity as an individual. It was around this time when I received an Xbox as a birthday gift. This was the fist time I had a system that was not a Nintendo, which at that time did not appeal to me. I was immediately immersed in a wold of digital violence and adventure and it was incredible. My friends and I would do almost nothing but play online games after school let out. I can honestly say this really gave me new found respect for videogames. I truly will never forget how much fun my friends and I had doing something that made me feel different. For the first time, I liked the idea of being a geek.

     My geeky hobbies were not limited to videogames in any means. The biggest so far was tradition archery. I started shooting a recurve bow when I was in 8^th grade and continue to this day. I like to think that I have improved a great deal since then but regardless of improvements I love the sport. Photography has also been a hobby of mine for a few years now. I never took any classes or had any kind of super expensive DSLR camera with a collection of lenses or anything, just a point and shoot with manual adjustment settings. I found that photography was a fantastic outlet for myself. Videogames and Archery are wonderful recreations that I still love but the creativity and imagination that are involved with photography, capturing a moment in time and preserving it forever is something truly beautiful.