Final essay.
By: Sam Jones
Religion has never
been forced upon me; in fact it is quite the opposite, no one ever really
discussed the topic with me simply because my family is not very religious.
Because of this I can’t really explain why religion has bothered me so much in
my life. It is this recurring theme that spirals me into a frenzy of emotions
until I eventually break down into hysteria. Questions and confusion draw me
back to the contemplation of god like a moth to the lamp post, each time taking
me down a path of self-examination until ultimately after making so many
mistakes I became spiritually satisfied and surrendered to an understanding
that was perfect for me as an individual, but it took a long time and plenty of
pain to figure out my serenity.
However there was
no peace at first, in fact I hated all religion because it seemed like “The
pioneers and missionaries of religion have been the real cause of more trouble
and war than all other classes of mankind.” - Edgar Allan Poe. I wanted all religion to disappear because it
served for nothing but conflict, but now think that in the early stages of mankind’s
development religion was extremely important and largely served two purposes;
the first was to explain how the world worked, what are the stars, where did we
come from, but more importantly it satisfied confusion unique to humans about
our mortality and what would happen after death. Today science satisfies all
but one of those categories we still don’t know what awaits each and every one
of us at the end of our lives, however the facts that we have discovered often
conflict with religious historical texts and this caused a great deal of
confusion for me.
Consequently it
prompted an internal war of Faith vs. Fact. Dinosaurs as an example should
never have existed yet we can dig up their bones and carbon-date them millennia
before the bible says the world was created. Does this discredit all religion,
how can I figure it out if when I read the bible I leave even more confounded
than before? I have always said “if you
want to understand the Bible, don’t read the Bible… It will only confuse the
hell out of you. Instead, read the Chronicles of Narnia.” The author C.S. Lewis has a genius way of explaining the Bible
through his books of tightly woven metaphors. My biggest issue with the Bible
is that people declare it is fact and everything said happened, however today
the majority of people are very scientific thinkers; they want to see proof and
know how everything functions. I am one of these people and if you tell me
Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt, I’m going to be a little skeptical.
But the Chronicles of Narnia are
different, the reader already knows the stories are fiction and this allows
their mind to open up to more than just the story but the lesson embedded
within. The most impacting segment of these books is the very end of the last
book (The Last Battle).
Narnia is at war
and the two countries have their separate gods; Aslan representing God and the
opposing country’s god is the Devil, A.K.A Tash. The entire war represents the
rapture and everyone promptly dies and is sorted out by Aslan, but while in
‘heaven’ the Pevensie children see a young man from the opposing army who
believed in Tash and they ask Alan why he was not rejected. This is the moment
I think every human in the planet should read because it was the most profound
contribution to my spiritual life. Aslan explains that yes the boy worshiped
Tash but in his eye that god was good and represented all the same morals as
Aslan.
“[Aslan] and [Tash] are of such different
kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not
vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath
for the oath’s sake, it is by [Aslan] that he has truly sworn, though he know
it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name,
then though he says the name of Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash
his deed is accepted.”
Furthermore he said it does not
matter by what name he is called as long as his life was a good and just, not
evil and sinful, that it did not matter in what name he worshiped. This was my
true moment of epiphany because it solved my largest issue with religion. I
continually struggled to know if God was real or if some other religion was
correct but now it didn’t matter because this book cleared it all up.
So before this
epiphany I was out of balance because on one hand I felt the pressure of
commitment bearing down and on the other I hand my logic couldn’t accept it. My
partial faith caused me to resort to God only partially thus turning religion into
my scapegoat. Anything that sparked a flare of anger or a sense of injustice
was put into this nice little definable box labeled religion so that it could
self-destruct. I was much younger during this chapter of my spiritual journey
and it just goes to show knowledge does come with age. I remember one incidence
in my adolescence that continues to inspire shame every time I happen to dwell
on it.
I was maybe in third of fourth grade when and we
were going to have a field trip. Memory fails me on where we were going, but
the important thing was the bus trip would be very long. So in order to prevent
total anarchy and mutiny among the nine year-olds all the teachers strongly
supported that each child bring their assortment of portable video games to
distract… I mean entertain them for a long trip both the kids and the chaperons
were dreading. I had mixed feelings; on one hand I was afraid that if I showed
up empty handed everyone would see right through me, judge me. It was
disgusting the amount of dread I felt toward the moment I stepped on the bus
without some annoying little toy that everyone else had. However on the other
hand I had hope, albeit it misplaced hope, because I had saved up enough money
from birthdays and holidays to get one as long as I could get to the store
before the trip. I asked my mom, she said yes, and long story short we never
got to the store. I was devastated. I hated my mother for it and ran out of the
house intent on permanent exile, but only made it about a hundred feet out the
door where I promptly collapsed and cursed God. Because who else? From what I
had seen, from TV or just the way people acted, God caused and controlled
everything and when something bad happens you blame God. For the next two hours
I cascaded down a deteriorating path with God that started with blame - “you caused this and I hate you”. To
pleading and bargaining - “please fix
this, I’ll never ask for anything in my life again, I’ll never sin if you just
give me this.” I realize now that I was addressing God more like someone
might interact with the Devil. Eventually my tear soaked sobs evolved into just
one word: “why”. This is a faithful
word in which I all ways confide in. Why would an all loving God deprive me of
something that meant so much to me? Ignorance is a word to describe this
milestone in my life. I acted like the delay toward getting a toy was the death
of someone I love; I felt actual grief over the denial of an object. This
obviously has some disturbingly deep social implications but I would never
change this moment in my life because it was the first big leap toward a
spiritual tranquility that was perfect for me as an individual. I reflect on
this time and feel immense shame because of the way I acted and was so quick to
invest every nasty emotion into this idea of God. This repulsion of my own
reaction helps me to realize that God is not something to place my blame,
anger, and resentment - but exactly the opposite and I see so many people who
invest their fear in God and the outcome is not healthy one. How important was
that toy? Insignificant! What I couldn't grasp for a long time is that there is
no definable box when it comes to religion. No safe little spot in your heart
that you can go to whenever you’re angry or sad and all the bad feelings will
disappear. My ideal God is not here to privilege someone and that helped me
learn how to go without, and how to accept and be okay when something didn't go
my way.
The second purpose
I think religion served was to implement a set of morals into a society that
otherwise had no restrictions on behavior. An individual two thousand years ago
could steal, murder, and rape with almost no repercussions; looking back at it
through my eyes I think that religion was formed in place of law. Society
integrated this thought that if you murder - eternal hell waits for you. It
serves its purpose to promote charity and love in everybody and prevent
suffering. For this reason I am glad religions have existed, but they evolved
into something people try an exploit or misinterpret by causing wars and
genocide in the name of their god. It is all about morals, people of faith have
their commandments and Atheists have their code of ethics but as long as they
don’t betray those morals I don’t think it matters for what reasons they act
civil.
At the end of the
day after looking over my experiences and the world I find that understanding
is the missing ingredient to a calm mind and a peaceful world. Religion never
existed to cause harm or privilege a people but instead to try and unite us. It
teaches us about how to coexist and live happily through the same exact morals
that we teach or children in fictional bedtime stories. Sure we know that
fairies and unicorns don’t exist but that doesn’t make us wrong for enjoying
the stories and taking away the lesson they inspire. Those lessons can help us
deal with our emotions instead of letting them poison our lives and the lives
of those around us. Does it truly matter if there is a correct religion? There
are already so many in the world today, is it worth it betray your beliefs to
change someone else’s. I don’t know if there is a real god but I believe that
if there is a true god he is a loving one, one who is unselfish and void of
sin. Consequently I don’t believe this omnisciently omnipotent force judges by
devotion, but rather by the charity geared toward others. The word religion Is defined
as “a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe,
especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies,
usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a
moral code governing the conduct of human affairs” (Religion). However I just
concern myself with the last fragment because I believe even if I am wrong at
least I contribute to making a better world.
References
Lewis, C.S. The Last Battle. New York: Division of
Macmillan Publishing CO., Inc, 1956. Book
“Religion.” dictionary.com. n.p. n.d. web. 9 Dec. 2013
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