final essay

Corey Jones

Lana Oweidat

English 1510

2 December 2013

Childhood Temper to Young Man Tame

What does it mean to be civil or tamed? How can someone learn from a natural characteristic that they have lived with their entire life? What makes a person change their mindset? Many questions evolve from the state of mind and the way someone can express their feelings. I believe that over time anyone can change the way they think, rather it be social and media influences, or just in general the way that they think from maturity and age. I am a pure form of something that has been through change, I changed because I needed to change for my mental was not stable and my mind being stable has made me into a better person.

I was always told growing up you have a great smile, you can really brighten someone’s day. It words like this that really make a person feel special. I can tell you that behind that smile were someone who was innocent but always in trouble. As a child I would do the most ridiculous things to make a scene. Trouble and I were best friends. Trouble created a sense of pleasure and getting under someone’s skin was the ultimate success. Times when I picked with my sister showed my maturity but also showed my evilness.

  

One day it was not about my sister and I it was something that involved change in life. “Corey, Reme I have something to tell you!” said my mother. “Yes? What is it?” my sister questioned. “Well… I’m pregnant and I’m now married” my mother said unwillingly. I did not respond, I was in a state of mind that was not pleasant. I was lost for words it felt as if someone took my tongue out and shutoff my voice box. This day was the start to my entire life of change; I contemplated how I could now not be the little one of the family and how I can now have something that is related to me but not have the same father. I was hurt, I felt betrayed because I felt as if I should know everything that goes on with my mother. My mother was my heart and soul, she was my woman and for someone to take that away from me was the most devastating thing anyone could do. I became furious and I became different towards her. I thought that the very connection that my mother and I had became distant and lost that very day. Not only at this moment I realized that my father and mother weren’t going to get back together, I realized that this was my last string for anything to happen between them. 

I was ten years old at the time, and I was constantly in trouble. I had lots of friends and lots of laughter. I was happy with my life. I was content. I felt the need to show who was boss in my grade so I would fight constantly, but fighting in my neighborhood was just as simple as playing basketball. I wouldn’t let anyone talk strangely towards me because it was a sign of disrespect. Living in Dayton, Ohio in Westwood was a different life in itself. My mom would not let me go down the street after 7 o’clock. It was a rough life but somehow we were never poor or were never in need. The area that surrounded my family and I caused me to make decisions in my life that would make me or break me.  I can remember when I was about eight years old ,I didn’t call my mom one time from a long day of being outside. Playing with my friends I got carried away and lost track of time. Early that day my mother gave permission for me to be outside until the first street light turns on, once it turns on she told me I need to be home. Well I never listened to that because all I thought was the fact that I am going to be outside until I feel like I need to come inside. After awhile the sun starts to go down and I hear a call from the ally “COREY RASHAD JONES GET IN HERE NOW!” not only did I know I was in trouble I knew that I was going to get a spanking for being disobedient. I get in the house and right away there is straight discipline. I get a spanking and I run to my room I cry and cry. Replaying the scene over in my head allowed my little self to become furious and began to destroy the things that I value most, my own stuff. When I get mad I growl, flex, and become somewhat of an animal.  

I can reflect on how before anyone could talk to me, my mom would send me into my room and allow me to gather myself to think about my actions. I would sit there and think and think and just become more furious and every time I would do something wrong she would say that it is just a lesson that she is trying to teach me. I would never learn these lessons because I felt like it was just punishment. However, now that I am older I can totally understand the lessons that I went through.

Although remarriage for my mother was a tough task for me to overcome, I would agree that it has made me into the man I am today. At the age of ten I would realize that I now live in someone else home under someone else’s rules. If anyone who knows my dad, my mom’s remarried husband, would know that he is black and white with every situation. This means that every situation there is a reason and there is also an answer to it. For an extreme example, if someone is trying to jump off a bridge he would simply ask what is the reason behind it. If the reason is not up to the standards of his understanding than he will simply say you need to rethink your process and try to go about doing it a different way. My mother’s husband is a behavioral therapist, which is basically the study of behaviors and the reason why beings do what they do. So everything that you think is simple he will make you think about variables that can happen with the choices you make in your life.

As much as I struggle with the fact that I am under new rules, those rules forced me to mature and develop. There was a time when I didn’t get my way because of certain issues that had occurred. I had asked to spend the night over a friend’s house and that was something that I always did under my mother’s household. Well my dad did not allow that. It was his house his rules. Me being the individual that I am I never would confine to those rules I would always argue with them because it was a new move for me. Well this time arguing did not work out in my favor.  Arguing was a big scene that I had caused. I tore my room up, jumped on top of my bed, and jumped up and down and did my routine hawk type ritual where I thought I was the toughest and maddest around. Once I got done my mother would come in and talk to me. However, this time everything that I tried to destroy got taken away. My television, my bed, and my gaming consoles all got taken away, it was as if my world had gotten destroyed. All because I was told to be in bed by eight that evening which is early for me, however that made me more upset.

That night I realized a lot of personal things about myself. It was as if something in my mind told me that I needed to change. It was as if the light bulb in my head went off telling me that I am not an animal I am a human being. Many thoughts ran through my head and after all of the destruction I caused. I still was empty I did not get my way and I did not get where I wanted to go. At the end of the night I was stuck at home with a bedtime, sleeping on the floor, mad, and most importantly I hurt the feelings of my mom. I had to change it was only fair or my life would have been long and uncomfortable. From that day forward I was no longer the kid with the short temper I was the mature kid with the smile that is wiser than ever. I created a sense for myself that would allow me to re-gather myself in times of frustration and anger. No longer would I get mad at someone telling me no at the end of the day, I still have to live the rest of the day under rules. I was not an adult I was a young man.

My dad, my mother’s husband, was the tame that put out that fire that I had burning in heart. I would agree that it was one of the best things that happened to my life. I don’t think it was maturing with age I think that it was the choices that I had to make as a young man that changed my mindset on a lot of other things. It was a new beginning that got me way further in life than I ever would have. I think that hurting my mother’s feelings allowed me to change more than for my actual self but it became a practice. To me when everything is kosher I am happy and life is simple. My mother being my queen, when she is happy I am happy and everything is a win.

Although making my mother happy is something I would love to see everyday, that’s not what life is about. Today I am totally different human being. Little things in life that would trigger my temper don’t spark the temper in me. I have mellowed out because I have been put through situations that test my limits, its almost if my mind went through a transformation. I love the way that I am now but sometimes I wish I were back to my old ways. Now its hard for me to say no because I have become so mellowed out that those things don’t really matter to me. Sometimes I feel less dominate because I feel less stern about the decision calls that I make.  While growing up I remember one thing that stuck with me the most and carried me to be the person I am today. My dad would always say “ A man isn’t measure by the size of his heart but is measured by the strength of his heart.” For me this quote, it gave me the drive to believe that as long as I can become a strong human being I can survive the ways of the world and giving my heart to something allowed me use my wisdom about things that happen in my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsSC2vx7zFQ

This clip is about change and drives me everyday to become the best human being I can become.

In conclusion, what I want you to take from this essay is that when I was younger I was different. It wasn’t because I was young it was because my temper was out of control. I realize that my mother getting married allowed me to change the person who I am because I was put though situation that test my attitude. I also changed because the love I have for my mother out weighs the other things that life brings. I believed at first the worst thing that can happen was for my mom to get married, but at the end of the day it happened to be the best thing for both her and I.  

     

Works citied

Thomas, Eric. "How Bad Do You Want It? (Success) HD." YouTube. YouTube, 29 Aug. 2011. Web. 10 Dec. 2013.

Tyler Janis - Final

Tyler Janis

English 1510

Final Essay

12-10-13

My inner Geek.

      One morning many years ago I awoke later than I usually would for school. On this particular day I wasn't actually going to school. I had a very important doctor appointment to attend. I believe that I was in second grade at this time. My mother and I drove around an hour to see a child psychologist whom I had the appointment with. I was excited, elated to be skipping school with my mothers permission. I was daydreaming of getting home and playing my Gamecube which I was so fond of. I recall being in an office alone with the doctor. She was very nice and even gave me a toy to play with. There were many other multicolored vibrant toys on shelves on the wall adjacent to myself, juxtaposed the white background behind them. The nice lady was asking me many questions, about things in my life, how I was feeling. I even solved a few puzzles and had some candy. This was my new favorite kind of doctor. I later learned that this was the day I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, one of the most common disorders in children that can continue into adulthood (NIMH).

      I never really liked school, I hated it actually. Everything about it, homework, teachers, class. I just never seemed to get what they were talking about. How is it my fault I don't understand this math problem? Aren't you supposed to teach me how to do it? I vividly remember thinking this, while staring out the window no less. This wasn't something that my parents just did nothing for, they were very helpful in every way. However, giving adderall, an amphetamine used to treat ADHD (DRUGS), to an 8 year old was not the best idea but they had the best intentions. Adderall took away my desire to eat my favorite foods and the school took away my friends. I was placed, by intervention of the public school district, in special education for math and English. I had to just walk out of the classroom and go into the room with the kids who I couldn’t even have a conversation with. Yes I know what the letter “A” looks like, can I go outside now? All I wanted to do is play. I never really understood why I was placed in this situation and why I had to take the pills that took away my hunger and made me feel funny. This went on until the fourth grade, my parents decided it was best to send me to a private school. I felt like I was never going to see my friends again. I thought that my world was ending.

      The banner read “Lawrence School,” It was green and silver with very fancy text and a big L on a shield marked with the same colors. It was my first day in this new place. Although it was not my first time going to the school. The year previously I had toured the school for a day, I was so angry. I hated the place, no friends, nothing was familiar. But something seemed very different, I felt like I was part of the crowd. Not some kind of retarded outcast who couldn’t even solve a math problem. It was like I was going to a normal school, just like a normal kid. I quickly began to warm up to the school, or at least as much as a kid in school can, and made new friends. But something did stay with me when I left public school. My closest friend who never passed judgment on me, accepting me for who I was and realizing that I wasn't as different as most people thought.

      Luke is something else. We were the classic trouble-making pair that always got into some goofy situation. I remember the day we met vividly. “Hey, wanna be friends?” “Yup!” Believe it or not, that actually is word for word what started our friendship that still lasts even today. I will always consider him family because of how loyal of a friend he has been. Even when I told him that my parents were making me switch schools, he was not really that upset because we both knew that besides eating lunch together, not much at all would change. We would still hang out almost ever weekend, and play video games until six in the morning. So begins my realization of geekdom.

      Videogames have always had a somewhat prominent place in my life. It could be a Gameboy, Nintendo, Xbox or even the glorious pc gaming master race. I think that if Luke had not introduced me to the vast world of videogames beyond the few that I owned. Maybe it was all the insecurity I had in real life that pulled me into the game so much, or maybe it was driving a Lamborghini any time I wanted to all while running from the police. Regardless of the original cause, it was a hobby that was never going to die. My bulky laptop is a testament to this, an entire summer spent saving for this piece of machinery that would be play almost every game on the absolute highest graphical settings. Truly a gamers paradise, or a geeks paradise.

      Even before I began associating myself with being a geek I always knew I wasn't part of the “In crowd.” Still at my small private school there was always a group of friends that was thought to be the cool kids. Suffice to say I was not part of them. I hung out with the goofy people that didn't really seem to fit in. In retrospect I find it somewhat Ironic that a school meant to harbor pupils with learning disabilities would still have small cliques that passive-aggressively shut people out. There wasn't really a tension through, certain people just seemed to gravitate to each other. Unfortunately life is not like a video game and I cannot get a cool kid powerup, I was stuck in social limbo.

      As my peers and I matured we all seemed to mesh together. Because the school was so small, we all became friends. Then we went to middle school. I was slammed right back into the same social limbo as before, just this time the cliques were much more pronounced. The people who ate lunch together rarely strayed from their tables. During this period of time I felt the need to express my feelings, my emotions. My 8^th grade year was very, well, emo. I only wore black, my hair was less flowy and more flippy. Eyeliner may or may not have been involved during this time, I'll just leave it at that. Although this even further distanced me from the male peers in my grade, the girls loved the sensitive guy. I honestly had no complaints. But there is meaning to this. The separation from my male peers made me feel like I didn't belong, like I was some kind of nerd. This was about the time my classmates learned about my abilities with computers so that didn't exactly help my feeling accepted by the guys in my grade.

      By the time high school rolled around I had moved on and actually began to form my own identity as an individual. It was around this time when I received an Xbox as a birthday gift. This was the fist time I had a system that was not a Nintendo, which at that time did not appeal to me. I was immediately immersed in a wold of digital violence and adventure and it was incredible. My friends and I would do almost nothing but play online games after school let out. I can honestly say this really gave me new found respect for videogames. I truly will never forget how much fun my friends and I had doing something that made me feel different. For the first time, I liked the idea of being a geek.

      My geeky hobbies were not limited to videogames in any means. The biggest so far was traditional archery.

 I started shooting a recurve bow when I was in 8^th grade and continue to this day. I like to think that I have improved a great deal since then but regardless of improvements I love the sport. Photography has also been a hobby of mine for a few years now. I never took any classes or had any kind of super expensive DSLR camera with a collection of lenses or anything, just a point and shoot with manual adjustment settings. I found that photography was a fantastic outlet for myself. Videogames and Archery are wonderful recreations that I still love but the creativity and imagination that are involved with photography, capturing a moment in time and preserving it forever is something truly beautiful.

© Radioactive Photography – Tyler Janis

      I have come to realize that there is no predetermined self. As you grow, you choose who you want to become. People around you and the things you do no doubt influence you but when it comes down to it, it's just you. You who has the power to choose what you are going to become. The unfortunate part of this situation is that most people, myself included, do not realize this until they have already chosen a path. Admittedly I do enjoy the person I have grown to be. I have truly embraced myself, and my inner geek.

Works Cited

"Adderall." Information from Drugs.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 Dec. 2013

National Institute of Medical Health. "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)." Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). National Institute of Medical Health, n.d. Web.

FINISHED DRAFT. JJ

JJ Haney

Home

What is “home”? Is home where you lay your head at night? Is home where the heart is? Or is it just some random building that we have decided to take shelter in? Home means many thing to many people. The technical definition for “home” is a dwelling used as a permanent or semi-permanent residence for an individual or family. For me, however, home has two very distinct tracks that it can take. For the first thirteen years of my life, I lived with my mom. Do not get me wrong, I love my mom and everything that she has done for me and my sister... but we did move around. A lot. Then I went to live with my father. He was more of the type to pick a house and stay for forever. So I have been exposed to two very different types of “home.” And that is what I am going to share with everyone today. Moving around lot versus staying in one place and the vast differences between them.

Mom Side:
Going back to what I sort of preluded in my introduction, I grew up with my mom for most of my childhood. And we moved around quite a bit. At one point in my life, I had lived in more houses than the number of years I had been alive. My earliest memory was us living in Kentucky with my sister's adoptive father, Handyman. His real name was James... but he was also a trucker, and that is what all his nickname was from his job. We moved from there to a house over off of Refugee road about the time I was in kindergarten. So I started school there. Then about the time I was in second grade, we moved again next to Chilicothe. So that was my first experience moving schools, leaving friends and starting all over from scratch. It really was not that hard though, because at that time I was still young and friendships were still developing over who had the better crayons and no one could tell the differences between white and black. This time, my mom had moved with this guy that she had met, Jaime. I had went to Leesburg Elementary until fourth grade when mom finally had enough of this asshole and moved out. This was probably the most difficult move for me to make because of all the friends and memories I had made in Leesburg Ohio. But, it did happen all over again. Ripping the bonds I had made out... and starting all over again. This time, however, I had found myself in Grove City in an apartment with nothing but my mom and sister. This was the happiest I had ever been. We had spent soooo much time together and had gotten extremely close. Sadly this only lasted for about six months before we had to move in with my grandma and the guy she had just met, Rick. Obetz was a wonderful place and I met many new friends around the neighborhood and this time I went to Hamilton Township Middle School for my fifth grade year. Living in this house only last for half a year (again) until we moved out from that house and into another one with the same school district. So even though I lost my neighborhood friends, I was still able to keep the same school. At least until the end of my fifth grade year and we made the single-most worst decision of my entire life... to move back down to Kentucky. We did not know it at the time, but going back down to Kentucky brought many issues and much drama that we could have avoided by just staying in Ohio. After one year of everything, I got sick of it and moved in with my father (which turned out to be the second worst decision of my life. BUT that is a topic for a whole nother paper.) As you can tell from my story, living with my mom was an adventure. More so in the “you never know where you are going to end up next” kind of way as opposed to the “fun and exciting” kind of way. So because of the obsessive moving around, I adopted my own definition of what “home” was. It did not matter what kind of roof we were taking shelter under, as long as my mom, my sister, and myself were all under it, it was home. So home was very much where the heart is, and my heart will always remain with my mom, despite where I chose to reside... even if I chose to be with my father.

Father's Side:

Picking up where I left off, I moved to my dads in the seventh grade and, POOF, that was it. No more moving. No more changing schools. No more having to make new friends. No more having to worry about when the next time you will have to pack will be. And most importantly, the feeling of stability. I lived with my dad from seventh grade until I moved here for college. However, it was not as easy as it sounds. The relationship between me and my father has never really been that good of one. He has always been an overly strict parent. This, also, is not just “teenage angst” either. I have been told by numerous adults that he is way too hard on me. I rather enjoy complaining about my father, so here are some stories. Let us start when I was fifteen or sixteen. He said that I could not get texting on my phone because one of his friend's daughter was texting a creepy thirty-five year old. Something that I had absolutely nothing to do with, I was being punished for. Or, there was this time he extended my curfew until midnight (Yes. EXTENDED until MIDNIGHT. And I was like seventeen, almost eighteen). I came into the house at approximately eleven fifty, ten minutes before midnight, and you know what he said to me? “JJ. I gave you a little bit by extending your curfew, you should have shown me respect by being here earlier than midnight” “But, dad, its not midnight yet?” “YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE HOUSE BY ELEVEN THIRY. You are grounded. Go to your room.” My younger sisters came up to my room after that and straight up asked me, “What in the world was that?” The definition I obtained for this kind of household was “where I laid my head at night.” That was all that house was to me. Do not get me wrong, the stability opened up opportunities to do many things I would not have felt comfortable with if I felt like we were going to move in the near future. Like getting (and keeping) a job. I was also the field commander my senior year, and I could not have done that without four years of constantly being in the same band. I also made a life long friend or two along the way. I have many pleasant memories in that house, but I never felt any heart or love or compassion from it. Most of my pleasant memories come from my friends that I made while there, however there is ONE pleasant memory I have of my father. My freshman year of high school I was going through many changes in my life. I was finally discovering what I like and what I'm interested in. Well, what I had found out is that I became more interested in boys than I was in girls. So, I found out that my best friend (at the time) was also a little more interested in boys, than girls. We started dating and came out together to everyone... but our parents. Well, further on down the line, a rather large series of unfortunate events happened and my dad found out. That entire day of school I was only concerned with one thing, what he would say when I got home. Well, that came sooner than expected and I got off the bus and went inside. He looked at me a said, “So, is there anything you would like to tell me?” So I told him the truth. His response? “Okay. I just want you to know that I still love you. You are my son and I will always love you and support you is whatever you decide. Just one rule: That does not happen in my household. Ever.” It really surprised me. I definitely thought I was going to be shipped of to some boot camp or private christian school. But, despite that single good memory, I still describe the house as cold and devoid of love and compassion. “I'll never stop dreaming that one day we can be a real family, together, all of us laughing and talking, loving and understanding, not looking at the past but only to the future.” (LaToya Jackson). You may have called it a home, but that home was not as warm as many of the other homes I had lived in until then.

The Difference Between The Two:

These types of living styles have very stark differences in them, obviously. But I do believe that the living style with my mom was better. I know, huge shocker right? Most people would assume that having the stability in the household would be better for someone growing up and trying to communicate with their world around them, but it is not the best, by any means. While moving does make it hard to keep friends, it teaches you a whole host of things. It makes you a more flexible person. You are more accepting of change in your life, so you are not as focused on it or depressed about the change since you are used to nothing being one-hundred percent certain. It also taught me a very valuable skill: The ability to quickly make new friends and talk to new people I have never met before. Obviously going from one school to another, it is essential for one to make new friends, but if I was never taught that ability, adjusting to college life would have be a hell of a lot harder than it was. Thanks to that ability, I was more able to ease up and relax in my new environment and eventually make friends. Another strong advantage that my moms life style also taught me another very important life lesson. No matter where life takes you, “home” will always be with the ones you love. I never mattered to any of us whether we were in an apartment, house or living with my grandma. As long as us three were together, I was always home. My fathers house offered stability, but that was the end of it. There was never any warmth or love in the house.

I really do apologize. I wanted this piece to be the difference between moving around a lot and staying in one spot, but it seems to have turned into a chronological time line of my life. But! At least I have a specific focus! And, to answer the question I asked before, “what is home?” The answer is simple. The definition of home is whatever you would like it to me. For myself, home is where the heart is, and it will always be that way. It does not matter how many roofs I lay my head under, as long as the love is there, it is Home. Even if “home” does end up being a hell hole (Kentucky) and does not quite feel like “home” at that moment in time, it will always come around. For others, they might prefer the stability of a long term house. And I respect that. Stability is very important for most people. But, the experience of an “on-the-go” kind of life style is priceless and helps out tremendously when going on your own for the first time. But please remember above all else, despite what your perfect idea of a “home” is, family will always come first. And the feeling of love and connection you have with them in the most important thing a “home” needs.   

Final Essay

Davin Fleming

English 1510

Professor Lana

24 November 2013

Trust Issues

As a child, I was a kid who never trusted a soul around me only except myself.  Always felt that I was the best and thought my way was right. It was easy to notice my problem with the two traits that stuck with me through my childhood.  No one wanted to be my friend or get that close to me.  I went to Daycare everyday when I was at the start of kindergarten.  Everyday when it was lunchtime, the teacher would check our food from the pack lunch and I would never trust them with my bag or anyone else touch it.  I just kept everything around me.  I was playing with my toys that I had brought from home and a few kids decided to join me.  I would not let them hold or touch my toys because I did not trust others with my stuff and was kind of selfish when it came to sharing.  I always thought someone would break my toy or lose it, so knowing me I just kept it right by my side.  So many children did not want to play with me once they caught on to my trust issues.  As well as having trust issues during my childhood, self-centered contributed to my trust issues because it left me lonely. The result from that made me develop self-centered because I did not trust anyone except me.  Now it was me, myself, and I!  I thought that everything had to be my way or I did not really trust in other ideas.  My parents tried to help me fix my selfish way and say take a chance in trusting your peers around you.  It finally hit me once I hit high school, when I was growing up and remembers being told I was too self-centered every now and then.  As time went out, I got into high school and that’s when everything was about to change the way I was in my earlier childhood.

When I was in this phase during my life, I missed out on certain things in my childhood that could be different today.  I could have had more friends to this day from my childhood but since I did not trust anyone, it affected who wanted to be my friend.  During your childhood, it is important that you come from a good childhood because a lonely one could shape you in the future.   A negative aspect to not trusting anyone is that when you want to do something with others or be apart, they may not trust you since you do not trust them.  Basically, you’re isolating yourself with no one around you. Some people differ from others based on what they went through or how they act during their childhood years.  I got more respected when I learned to changed from being too self-centered because no one wants to be around a person who thinks he knows what’s best.  The best part is everyone won’t be against because if you not are self-centered, rather than just be all about yourself.  Once, I got the high school sports everything changes from being who I was, to a different person I am today.

As I got to the high school sports, I started to learn how to work as a team and one unit through track and football.  Football and track changed my beliefs, which allowed me to come together as a team rather than an individual.  Sports at this level in life were not about you; it was a team goal to get where a certain point.  This was going to require trusting your teammates and getting along with your environment around you.  The coaches from both sports help me achieve success, as I got older.  We were lifting in the weight room, I wanted to do lift a certain way and work with the person I chose, but one of the coaches changed it up.  I had got an attitude about the issue and the one of my other coach saw that and came over to tells me angrily, “Your going to learn that it’s not always your fricken way and get mad over it every time cause your not always right; it is time to grow up Fleming”.  I sat there to think about it for a while because I have been told this throughout my life and he really meant it by the way I always acted.  It changed me because I should be lifting with someone that is similar to you rather than losing time in the weight room going back and forth with the weights.  Then the coaches decided to change my position to the offense which is a significant different and they said it was best for the team.  Knowing me, I did not want to stay on that side I wanted to stay on defense cause I wanted it my way.  Later it benefited me down the road because I ended up playing both sides of the ball which help the team overall.  I realized that I had to trust what the coaches were saying because they knew more than I do.   I started to care about the team more than myself; I was just trying to do my part.  I took this attitude and carried it over to the next sport I was going to be doing which was track season. 

Football got me ready for track season because I was on a relay team.  Relay team requires that the group do their part and perform the way the coaches taught us.  The coach taught us that we have to work together as a team if we want to win meets and qualify for the state track meet if we put in the work.  I did not want to run as much as he made us do during practice.  I thought it was a waste of time and will not benefit us in the end, but soon I would discover the truth.  All the running that we do, makes the event we do easier for us and let us focus on who wants to win more against the other opponent rather than have our mindset on being tired.  That’s when I started not questioning the running we do and just grinded it out.  Now another problem rose up again in the relay.  He made me run a certain leg that I didn’t want to run, but the plan took us to state.   The coach changed my steps because I was a wee bit slow taking off so he moved me my steps, but since I did not trust that we would win I said to keep it where the steps are.  He said you have to trust me in your life because I know what’s best for this relay team and you will have to believe in each one of your teammates to do their part.   He would give us quote everyday of a track meet, in addition to saying I believe in you with the note because he trusted that we all we give it everything.  That would relate back to me by giving me trust for my team to do what it takes to get the next level.  Once I knew the coach strategy worked, our team became much stronger.  If I never agreed with my coach’s track ways, I would have never got the experience to the state track meet in my two careers. 

Throughout my life, I started trusting people who were close to me and allowing me to make more friends.  Also, I was not self-centered anymore and actually saw everything in a different perspective.  I would not be who I am today nor have the experience my coaches help me to achieve.  In life, you will have to be able to allow yourself to trust others, and believe in what older people tell you who know more than you.  Life is not always going to be in your favor every time, you will have to learn what life throws at you and deal with it.  I struggle with understanding the concept of realizing it.  It made me lose friends as well as affect me in sports when I wanted it my way.  I found out later down the road that there will be people better than me and I can’t think that it was all about me no matter how self centered I was.  If we work together, we will be even more successful together not just thinking one is better than another.  I started trusting more people even though I felt very worried if I should allow this person to be as close to me.  Then I felt like I had family bond on my side now since my protective guards were down.

Somehow I got to see these character traits in real life in high sports.   There was a basketball team who our school was playing on a Friday night back in December.  I was reading the scouting report to see how good they are and happens to have the two best players in the conference and projected to go far in the tournament.  I heard from something about the players not liking each other and thought they deserve the ball more than the others.  Parents are arguing about whose son was better arise in the newspaper as well.  The team ended up getting their season cut short in the tournament.  This relates back to me because the two players never trusted each other and only had trust in their self to being the best on the team.  In the end, it hurt the overall team because the players were ball-hoggers and did not work as a team.  The players basically played for their selves out on the court and ruined the season that should have went down differently. I’m thankful I didn’t have to experience that in high school because I changed right as it hit me and before I was participating on the field.  Basketball is a team sport and you cannot win with just a bunch of individuals playing for their selves, you’ve got to have some team chemistry.  Once I saw this event, I realized it actually does affect you and your team in the end.  I wonder when the two teammates players will learn to trust people because they have not yet and will be in college sooner or later. 

This is a quote that I can relate back to my struggles with trust issues because it was hard finding trust in other people.  “Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks” (Issac Watts).  I believe this quote is true because it took me a while to start trusting others that I was surrounded by.  It ties with my focus point because never trusting anyone will make you self-centered and make you only feel comfortable with yourself.   Also, it ties back with my main point because I finally can say I’ve changed my mindset to open myself up rather than being closed up within myself.  It was a gradually slow process to get to where I am at today. 

I remember back when I talk to some friends over the summer break and how we were somewhat similar in our personalities.  They changed their ways before I had done the same.  The experience my friends went through was that no one wanted to be their friends because they never let anybody close to them and open up to others.  My friends said their glad they have the friends they do now and can trust them under any circumstance.  Also, one of my friends had mention to me; no one wants to be around you if you’re self-centered because people will not want to be around a selfish person.  He said it’s not fun just being by yourself having no one to socialize with because how you are.  We all agree it’s much better life when you have friends to trust and care about others because you’re not alone anymore. 

In conclusion, as I went through all the negative experiences in life, I think I realize it is time for me to change myself as a person to a new person.  I’ve learned that it’s not always going to be about you.  My high school sports experience turned out to be great and enjoyable ride with my team.  At some point in your life, it will hit you like it did for me. If it wasn’t for my coaches in each sport I played as well as family trying to change me, I would be writing about how I am lonely and trust no one but myself.

Final Draft

Ryan Yankush

Professor Oweidat

English 1510

December 9, 2013

Man of The House

While we all heard screaming coming from downstairs, my other three siblings and I simultaneously gathered on steps to listen.  As we listened closer and longer, we knew things were not going good and all of our eyes became very watery because we knew the inevitable was going to happen soon.  Finally my mom said the words, “get out and do not come back!!”  We all knew it was over as my dad shut the door behind him, but none of us wanted to believe what was going to happen… Our parents were getting a divorce.  It was pretty naive of us to not to know it was coming considering all of the signs: my mom always sleeping on the coach, my dad trying to stay at work as late as possible, and constant fighting when they were both home. However, we were all so young and just did not want to believe that this was happening to our family. 

Divorce is a very common thing in America, in fact, according to Alan J. Hawkins and Tamara A. Fackrell, the authors of Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out?:  A Guidebook for Individuals and Couples at the Crossroads of Divorce (and Before), about  forty to fifty percent of first time marriages will end in a divorce(41). However, my family is from a small, quiet, and pretty wealthy community where divorce does not occur that often.  I was always an active and outgoing kid when I was younger and had no problem making any friends or anything like that.  When I was sixth grade, that is when my parents got the divorce and that is when things in my life started changing a lot.  Though people believe that divorce has a negative effect on children, I think had some positive and negative affects on me, and may have actually help me build character in some ways. 

Out of the ways my parent’s divorce made a positive impact on me, the way I picked my friends is probably the one that has affected me most.  Their divorce made me have some trust issues, which is a good and bad trait, but it this sense I look at it as a good thing because I based all of my friends off of people I can only completely trust.  There is nobody I trust more than my twelve bothers on my soccer team.  I can go to them with anything at anytime, and knowing this during that time of my life really gave me a sense of well-being.  I always knew that if  I was every feeling down, I could pick up the phone and they would be on their way to get me right away. 

In fact, me trying out for the team in the first place had a lot to do with my parents divorce, because once it happened I knew I had to find something to do to keep my mind off it so I started playing soccer.  So if it were not for that I would have never really even talk to the kids on the soccer team.  Aside from my teammates which I called brothers, it also made me get a lot closer with my actually siblings because I knew they were feeling the same way and we could all talk to each other about it, and now about anything because we really opened up to one another. This was really big in my life because just years before the divorce I never really talked to them that much unless we were fighting. So I do believe divorce can, in someway, bring families closer together in some aspects.  So in the midst of things, I guess what I am trying to say, it was really nice to have a sense of belonging during this tough time and the soccer team really provided me with that comfort.

On the other hand, having these trust issues have also affected me in a negative way as well.  First and foremost, my parents divorce really but a halt on any sort of relationship I could have been in because I was just not ready to trust anyone with all my feelings like that.  But even before the divorce, I was hesitant to enter a relationship, because like I stated earlier, my parents were always fighting anyways.  So I grew up hardly ever seeing any affection in a relationship so I never really knew how to act towards girls.  Once they actually got the divorced, I knew I was not ready for a relationship for sure, so I kept all my feelings inside and to this day I still do not tell people about my feelings, whether it be to the girl I have feelings for or to my friends.  To go along with this, another problem was my social skills.  I am a pretty social guy, and I always have been but after my parents got separated, I got a little shyer.  I got shyer because like I said before, we are from a small town where divorce does not happen often and the word gets around quick if it does, so I didn’t want people to look at me or treat me different because of it.  With that, there were always the awkward situations I encountered, such as, when my friends came over to spend the night they would always ask where my dad was, or at soccer games or banquets they would ask me the same thing.  At soccer banquets and things of that nature I would always worry about my parents having to see each other, so I never really focused on what was going on.  Another one is when people just randomly say they have never seen my dad, and I just was not mature or comfortable to answer those types of questions when I was at that age. It takes a man to get over these kinds of bumps in his life and that is just what my parent’s divorce made me, a man.

Another way my parent’s divorce affected me in a positive way was by making me into more of a man and holding down the house.  I knew I had to become the man of the house once my dad moved out so I got a job once I got in high school and the disciplined me very well.  I got the job because I knew things were not going to be the same (money wise) as when my dad was there and knew if I wanted something I was going to have to get it myself, and rightfully so, that is what happened.  So this really made me respect and value to the actually value of a dollar, and this has really helped me so far and will continue to help me through the rest of my life.  With money being scarce, I knew I had to start focusing a lot on my schoolwork as well so I can try and get scholarships for college.  However, this isn’t normal for children with divorced parents, “Children from divorced homes suffer academically. They experience high levels of behavioral problems. Their grades suffer, and they are less likely to graduate from high school.” (Desal, Marriage & Relationships).  I knew I had to do the exact opposite of this because my grades were awful up until the divorce and I knew the only hope for me to go to college was to start getting better grades.  I also had too start doing all of the chores around the house (dirty work).  I would mow the lawn, take out the trash, get on the roof and clean the gutters… I did everything around the house, but I am not going to complain because I learned many things doing this stuff on my own, such as fixing lawn mowers, toilets, and handyman things like that.  They do not really sound like positive things, hell, I was even pissed when it first happened and I had to start doing all of them, but hard work pays off.  I would have never learned those skills if my dad never moved out, so there is a little bit of a silver lining.

However, the good comes with the bad.  Being man of the house was nice and all but having that much responsibility was hard to handle at the young of an age.  Between work and chores I hardly had anytime for my friends and schoolwork, which set me back a little.  My freshman year of high school was the year I did my worst and ended up getting my only C.  I couldn’t handle all of the pressure/ work/ schoolwork, and it showed in the end. Then with my social life, it was pretty much non-existent after soccer season.  So I started to get a little depressed and exhausted at this time in my life.  To add on to that my mom was even more depressed and stressed because of the whole money situation.  She was just really upset because she wanted us to be happy and get us everything we wanted but she knew she could not because most of our money came from my dad before he moved out.  Seeing her sad like this really made things a lot worse for all of us.  These years were the toughest on me by far.

What made these years real tough was only seeing my dad only once a week and only for a little bit on holidays.  I never really had anyone to take to about guys stuff, in fact, my best friends dad gave the infamous “talk” that dads usually give to their sons.  It was really uncomfortable and rough for me to have to go through most of my childhood with out a definite father figure to look up to and guide me through my adolescents.  I know he would have done anything to be there for me but it was just an unfortunate time in our lives and I cannot blame him for it.

This divorce really made an impact on my life, for the good and the bad, and really made me dig deep and make adjustments in my life in order to get a sense of belonging and really made be the person I am today.  If it were not for my soccer team, I do not know where I really would be right now in my life because they really gave me the extra kick to keep moving forward and get over the negative effects.  Every divorce is going to have negative effects on families, and especially children, but it takes a lot of courage and character to find some good in it and take advantage of that. I believe I did that and it did positively affect my life in some aspects.  However, with the positives that may come with divorce, I would never wish a divorce upon another family, and will hopefully not put my kids through it.  A study by the University of Utah showed that children with divorced parents are more likely to divorce when they get older (Hansen, 9 Negative Effects).  When I am older I pray that I remember how hard this was on me and can only hope for my future children’s sake, that I beat the odds and do not put them through this situation.

Works cited

Desal, Amy. "Marriage & Relationships." How Could Divorce Affect My Kids? n.p., n.d. Web. 09 Dec. 2013.

Hansen, Lauren. "9 Negative Effects Divorce Reportedly Has on Children - The Week." The Week.        n.p., 28 Mar. 2013. Web. 08 Dec. 2013.

Hawkins, Alan J., and Tamara A. Fackrell. Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out?: A Guidebook for Individuals and Couples at the Crossroads of Divorce (and Before). Salt Lake City, UT: Produced on Behalf of the Utah Commission on Marriage, 2009. Print.

**would not let me indent the 2nd and 3rd rows of each citation cause i copy and pasted from word...??? kind of confused but sorry!!