Ryan Yankush

Professor Oweidat

English 1510

December 3, 2013

First Draft

While we all heard screaming coming from downstairs, my other three siblings and I simultaneously gathered on steps to listen.  As we listened closer and longer, we knew things were not going good and all of our eyes became very watery because we knew the inevitable was going to happen soon.  Finally my mom said the words, “get out and do not come back!!”  We all knew it was over as my dad shut the door behind him, but none of us wanted to believe what was going to happen… Our parents were getting a divorce.  It was pretty naive of us to not to know it was coming considering all of the signs: my mom always sleeping on the coach, my dad trying to stay at work as late as possible, and constant fighting when they were both home. However, we were all so young and just did not want to believe that this was happening to our family.

Divorce is a very common thing in America, in fact, according to Alan J. Hawkins and Tamara A. Fackrell, the authors of Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out?:  A Guidebook for Individuals and Couples at the Crossroads of Divorce (and Before), about  forty to fifty percent of first time marriages will end in a divorce(41). However, my family is from a small, quiet, and pretty wealthy community where divorce does not occur that often.  I was always an active and outgoing kid when I was younger and had no problem making any friends or anything like that.  When I was sixth grade, that is when my parents got the divorce and that is when things in my life started changing a lot.  Though people believe that divorce has a negative effect on children, I think had some positive and negative affects on me, and may have actually help me build character in some ways.

Out of the ways my parent’s divorce made a positive impact on me, the way I picked my friends is probably the one that has affected me most.  Their divorce made me have some trust issues, which is a good and bad trait, but it this sense I look at it as a good thing because I based all of my friends off of people I can only completely trust.  There is nobody I trust more than my twelve bothers on my soccer team.  I can go to them with anything at anytime, and knowing this during that time of my life really gave me a sense of well-being.  I always knew that if  was every feeling down, I could pick up the phone and they would be on their way to get me right away. 

In fact, me trying out for the team in the first place had a lot to do with my parents divorce, because once it happened I knew I had to find something to do to keep my mind off it so I started playing soccer.  So if it were not for that I would have never really even talk to the kids on the soccer team.  Aside from my teammates which I called brothers, it also made me get a lot closer with my actually siblings because I knew they were feeling the same way and we could all talk to each other about it, and now about anything because we really opened up to one another. This was really big in my life because just years before the divorce I never really talked to them that much unless we were fighting. So I do believe divorce can, in someway, bring families closer together in some aspects.

On the other hand, having these trust issues have also affected me in a negative way as well.  First and foremost, my parents divorce really but a halt on any sort of relationship I could have been in because I was just not ready to trust anyone with all my feelings like that.  But even before the divorce, I was hesitant to enter a relationship, because like I stated earlier, my parents were always fighting anyways.  So I grew up hardly ever seeing any affection in a relationship so I never really knew how to act towards girls.  Once they actually got the divorced, I knew I was not ready for a relationship for sure, so I kept all my feelings inside and to this day I still do not tell people about my feelings, whether it be to the girl I have feelings for or to my friends.  To go along with this, another problem was my social skills.  I am a pretty social guy, and I always have been but after my parents got separated, I got a little shyer.  I got shyer because like I said before, we are from a small town where divorce does not happen often and the word gets around quick if it does, so I didn’t want people to look at me or treat me different because of it.  With that, there were always the awkward situations I encountered, such as, when my friends came over to spend the night they would always ask where my dad was, or at soccer games or banquets they would ask me the same thing.  At soccer banquets and things of that nature I would always worry about my parents having to see each other, so I never really focused on what was going on.  Another one is when people just randomly say they have never seen my dad, and I just was not mature or comfortable to answer those types of questions when I was at that age. Need transition

Another way my parent’s divorce affected me in a positive way was by making me into more of a man and holding down the house.  I knew I had to become the man of the house once my dad moved out so I got a job once I got in high school and the disciplined me very well.  I got the job because I knew things were not going to be the same (money wise) as when my dad was there and knew if I wanted something I was going to have to get it myself.  And rightful so, that is what happened.  So this really made me respect and value to the actually value of a dollar, and this has really helped me so far and will continue to help me through the rest of my life.  I also had too start doing all of the chores around the house (dirty work).  I would mow the lawn, take out the trash, get on the roof and clean the gutters… I did everything around the house, but I am not going to complain because I learned many things doing this stuff on my own, such as fixing lawn mowers, toilets, and handyman things like that.  They do not really sound like positive things, hell, I was even pissed when it first happened and I had to start doing all of them, but hard work pays off.  I would have never learned those skills if my dad never moved out, so there is a little bit of a silver lining.

However, the good comes with the bad.  Being man of the house was nice and all but having that much responsibility was hard to handle at the young of an age.  Between work and chores I hardly had anytime for my friends and schoolwork, which set me back a little.  My freshman year of high school was the year I did my worst and ended up getting my only C.  I couldn’t handle all of the pressure/ work/ schoolwork, and it showed in the end. Then with my social life, it was pretty much non-existent after soccer season.  So I started to get a little depressed and exhausted at this time in my life.  To add on to that my mom was even more depressed and stressed because of the whole money situation.  She was just really upset because she wanted us to be happy and get us everything we wanted but she knew she could not because most of our money came from my dad before he moved out.  Seeing her sad like this really made things a lot worse for all of us.  These years were the toughest on me by far.

Seeing my dad only once a week and only for a little bit on holidays was really tough as well.  I never really had anyone to take to about guys stuff, in fact, my best friends dad gave the infamous “talk” that dads usually give to their sons.  It was really uncomfortable and rough for me to have to go through most of my childhood with out a definite father figure to look up to and guide me through my adolescents.  I know he would have done anything to be there for me but it was just an unfortunate time in our lives and I cannot blame him for it.